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Trip to bask in a waterfall for 2 lovers.
And even if Tyler and Malcolm managed to somehow drug Jeff, which wouldn't be the first time they accomplished such illegal behavior, Louis and Rich would be there to protect him.
Sabrina had joked she was sure she could titillate the guys with a steaming, hot dance. At least I think she was joking.
Yeah, I wasn't worried one little bit.
"So, did Rich tell you about the big night?" I feigned casual.
"Big night?" asked Jen. She was feigning casual as well. I could tell she meant to give me a hard time.
"The bachelor party," I said, clarifying with no special emphasis.
"I think Rich did mention something about it."
"How long do you plan to torture me?" I asked.
"Just long enough for me to squeeze the maximum enjoyment out of it."
She didn't continue. I shoved my palms upward in an urgent gesture.
"It was pretty damn funny. Jeff is a bachelor, but I don't think you could really use the word party to describe it.
"The brothers, Tyler and Malcolm, suggested they go to a strip club.
"Jeff said he'd already seen plenty of the most beautiful women on the face of the earth. He said it would be anticlimactic. One of the brothers said they wanted the evening to be climactic. They both laughed at that like he was a professional comedian. Jeff whispered to Rich he couldn't decide if the brothers were drunk, stupid or drunk and stupid.
"The other brother said he knew a club where they could have a really good time. Both of them laughed like this was the funniest thing they ever heard. Jeff whispered to Rich he was having a hard time believing these guys had graduated from elementary school, let alone college. He said the highlight of the evening would be when he could escape from them.
"After some arguing, Jeff said he had already eaten, but he would like to go somewhere to get a really nasty dessert. One of the brothers said, 'That's what I'm talking about. We can go to this club and get a really nasty dessert, if you know what I mean.'
"Jeff said, 'No. I don't think I know what you mean. Could you explain?' He said it earnestly, with an absolutely straight face.
"The brothers were stumped, like someone had asked them to explain how DNA replicates. Rich said he could barely keep from laughing. Louis had to turn his head away to keep from breaking up.
"They went to a restaurant. Jeff ordered key lime pie and a chocolate mousse and a Diet Sprite. He said their mousse was fabulous. One of the brothers tried to make a risqué joke about mousse, but he got confused and Jeff and Rich started snort laughing. The guy beamed, like he had mastered the fine art of humor.
"Somebody suggested they get the drinking started and Jeff said he couldn't do that because he was under age. The Neanderthals started to laugh until they realized he was serious.
"When Jeff went to the bathroom, Tweedle dumb, Rich couldn't figure out which was which so took to referring to them as Tweedle dumb and Tweedle dumber, poured some of his drink in Jeff's Diet Sprite. Tweedle dumb giggled and said Jeff wouldn't know the difference.
"Jeff came back to the table and picked up his drink and looked at it funny. He smelled it. He held the glass up to look at it more closely and asked, 'Did one of you boneheads put something in my drink?'
"They both denied it and Jeff picked up on some body language and said, 'Oh, you, Tyler.'
"You know, there was one other strange thing Rich mentioned."
"What was that?"
"He said he had no idea Jeff went out and met so many people."
My face told her I had no idea what she was talking about.
"Rich said everywhere they went there were people coming up to them saying hi to Jeff or and extending their hands to shake and saying Jeff Goldberg."
"Do you remember at graduation when Jeff said the kiss would go viral?"
"Anyway, later, Louis, the boneheads had forgotten he was Jeff's father, said