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She needed a favor from her gay friend.
"And now...to drink!" With that, he exposed his fangs and allowed them to descend hungrily toward the innocent's neck. Poor Mary Fay, unaware of the terror that hovered above her, could do nothing to resist as the vampire pierced the soft flesh of her throat and drank.
"Ewwwwww," Chet noted.
Dracula drank until he was sated, which took several minutes, during which Mary Fay, from the depths of her unconsciousness, moaned and actually drew Dracula closer. Her nightgown rode most of the way up to her hips, and Chet was afforded quite a view of the smooth skin of the girl's fleshy thighs.
"Damn," he said as Dracula completed his task and rose to his feet again.
"Now she is a vampire!" Dracula whispered. "She will do anything I say, kneel to my every bidding!"
Mary Fay opened her eyes, still sleepy and confused, but instinctively looking into Dracula's own and asking him, "What do you command, Master?"
"My child," Dracula told her, "you will go out into the world night after night and create an army of vampires. You shall begin this very evening. Now arise, and while I and my protege Chet go east to the ocean, you shall go west, toward the Otis Town Fashion Mall, and feast on human blood all the way. Good night!" And with that, Dracula spun around intently and began to step toward the window, accidentally slamming his hand against Mary Fay's armoire, which was about twice as painful as it looked.
"That's it?" Chet asked, confused. "That's all you're going to ask her to do?"
"She will faithfully fulfill her duties as a vampire," Dracula told him. "It is as I command!"
"But she'll do anything, dude," Chet said, gawking at Mary Fay's slinky body and freshly washed hair, which continued to cascade most impressively. "She's, like, your willing bride."
"What are you getting at?' Dracula asked, irritated.
Chet shrugged. "Nothing, man, I'm just saying....she's an eighteen-year-old girl, right? You're just going to suck her blood and leave without, like, taking advantage of the situation?"
Dracula peered at Mary Fay, hypnotizing her. "My puny student is correct," he said softly. "Mary Fay Gripshaw....before you venture out into the dark night to spread the disease of vampirism to an unsuspecting world, you shall make us a tray of peanut butter cookies, from scratch!"
"Yes, Master," Mary Kay replied sleepily. "I shall do as you wish."
Chet rolled his eyes. "No, man, I'm talking about, like, sex."
Dracula's eyes widened so much that one of his contacts fell out. "How dare you corrupt the meaning of vampirism with such childish desires of the flesh!" he spat. "You have much to learn, protege!"
"Wouldn't the meaning of vampirism still be uncorrupted if you just, like, felt her mams a little?" Chet asked, honestly befuddled. "I mean, she's totally hot. You are normal, aren't you?"
"Of course," Dracula snapped, resenting the implication and getting really ticked off that this was about the fourteenth time he'd heard it in the past six months. "But this is unthinkable. Now, let us be off, foolish one."
Mary Kay sat up in bed, coming partially out of her undead trance. "That doesn't sound too bad, actually," she said.
"Hush, child," Dracula said to her. "You know not of what you speak."
"Well, I am your bride," she said poutily. "What kind of man would you be if you didn't consummate the marriage?"
Dracula put one hand to his forehead in vexation. "Look, the word 'bride' is just a term we use, all right? Don't take it so literally. Christ!"
"Come on, Count," Mary Fay said, brushing the hair away and lowering the shoulders of her nightie to expose the upper mounds of her bosom. "Be a man, let's get a little motion going on."
"There you go!" Chet said excitedly.
"You are but a girl of eighteen years!" Dracula exclaimed to Mary Fay, re-adjusting the shoulders of her nightgown to cover her cleavage fully. "You know nothing of vampirism, and you know nothing of the sacred joining of human bodies!"
"Oh, my ass," Mary Fay protested.