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Amy's sex parties continue.

My eyes snapped from the paper to Max and back again. My nerves shot through the roof at the thought of being whipped so hard that blood is brought to the surface.

"Uh Max, you won't whip me until there's blood, would you?"

A mischievous glint appeared in max's eyes "No, not unless you want me to get that rough."

I was picking at my nails wondering maybe that this wasn't the best option for me. I should do this. I shouldn't be here with a man who wants to cause me actual harm for pleasure. I was second guessing my decision.

Max saw the indecisive look in sprawled on my face. He leaned forward on his elbows with concern etching his features. I didn't want to worry him that I was not going to go through this but I was second guessing myself.

"Look Ry..."

When he said that name something in me broke. I could hear the snapping of the fragile string that was holding my heart together break in two. My chest constricted and I had to choke back a sob of pain.

"Please try not to call me that name."

"Ok Ryan, I want to help you with this, but if you don't feel comfortable then you can walk away from this. I won't be mad at you or judge you. It's all in your hands."

I placed the papers on the desk, looking for a pen. I looked at the first page and decided that it was time to take some control in my life and this was it. I signed the papers sealing my pleasurable fate.

That night we talked more but I didn't delve too much into my pain. It was a week after our meeting on another Saturday that we had our first session. The pain tamed the demons that swirled inside of me. I developed a new threshold for my pain.

I felt myself become more in control of me and my life. I exceled in work, making my dad proud (at least I hoped). The more control I had in my time with Max the more I used that in my work. I become ruthless. People knew me, I was moving in ranks thanks to Max.

It had been about 6 months into our "relationship" when something tragic had happened.

I didn't become close to Tory but we had an understanding of one another. She talked to me from time to time about ma and their wedding. It was one of those times in his office.

We had just finished a session when we came into his office laughing about something. She was perched on his desk looking as though she belonged there. Which she did.

I sat in the chair across the desk and he took his original spot.

"Good session I take it."

Max placed a hand on her knee "Yes, it was love."

I blushed at the endearment. I averted my eyes to look outside. The sun wasn't shining any more. The day went from sunny to dreary.

I got up with my things in tow "Well I'm going, same time next week?"

Max shook his head as if barely registering my words.

I left them happy but later that night a frantic max called me.

It was well into the night when I got the call that he needed me. I drove to the hospital he was at.

When I got there he fell into my arms as he repeated over and over "she's gone, she's gone". The sobs echoed off of the room we were in. His tears stained my shirt but I stayed I had to. We were more than dom/sub, we became sort of friends. In that horrific time he needed me for his pain just like I needed him for mine.

After that night I stayed with max. I helped with the funeral and the tearing down of his wedding. I put her into boxes when he couldn't. I became a life line for him, I became the person I needed when I went through my own heart break.

After some months of his wallowing I could see he was sinking lower and lower into despair. He was letting his business go and his health was deteriorating. I didn't know how to help him from the hole he was burying himself in.

The old feeling of cowardice was creeping back into me. Along with that feeling was the feeling of disgust, shame, hate, and guilt. I couldn't keep the emotions at bay anymore. My outlet was gone, dying from the inside out.

I didn't know how else to get him out of the rut and save myself.

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