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Whem mothers are unable to cope.
She looked up at me, her big blue eyes begging for something. I wasn't sure what. She took my wine glass from me and sat it on the table next to us.
"Can I speak to you in confidence?" Emma's smile had turned to concern, her brow partially furrowed.
"Well," I said, "You know that Jake and I are friends. But I think that you and I have developed a pretty good relationship too. I don't like keeping things from him, but you can definitely talk to me in confidence. If I can't share it with him I understand."
"I don't know how to put this," Emma said, her voice trailing off as she turned back toward the lake to avoid eye contact with me, "but Jake and I are done having children."
I was terribly confused as to why this was such bad news. They had six kids already! Their house was always a mess. Jake's paycheck was getting stretched way too thin. It seemed like a very reasonable and responsible choice for them.
Emma could tell that I wasn't on board with her disapproval. She explained further.
"You know that Jake and I are Catholic."
"Sure. I think it's great."
"Well, our church doesn't believe in birth control. You probably figured that out from the fact that we have six children."
"Yeah. Jake and I talked about that a few times."
"Here's the thing - we agree with the Church's teaching. We think birth control is wrong. We believe that it messes with God's plan for human sexuality. And of course there are side effects to the pill, and you can guess how Jake feels about condoms anyway, apart from the Church's position on them."
I laughed. "Yeah, nobody likes condoms. They're the worst."
"So, because we already have six children, and we can't afford any more, our sex life has taken a serious hit. Jake is paranoid about getting me pregnant again. We tried "natural family planning," you know, where you track your cycle and whatnot, but Jake's convinced that it's not enough. He also doesn't think that pulling out really works."
"So what have you guys been doing then?"
"Not a whole lot. He lets me, you know 'pleasure' him. But he doesn't like doing it to me. And to be honest, I'm a little uncomfortable with those things anyway. I'm willing to do it for him, but I feel kind of dirty when he, you know..." When I was in Catholic school, they told us in sex ed that anything besides traditional sex between husband and wife was sinful.
"Wow. You guys are pretty serious about your faith huh? And it sounds like you're in quite the dry spell."
"Yeah. I've been trying to figure out what to do about it. I have needs, like anyone else."
She looked me over briefly. Her eyes had been meeting mine, but she tilted her head down and looked at the ground.
"So anyway, the thing is... umm...I decided there's only one solution," she said. "There's only one way he'll have sex with me again."
"What's that?" I asked.
"I need to get pregnant."
My eyes got wide, her face frozen in place. She was serious. I guess it made sense. If he got her pregnant, there would be nothing to lose and they could resume their marital duties to one another.
"So how do you plan on getting pregnant?" I asked. "It sounds like you're not doing anything that could get you pregnant."
"We're not," she replied, her voice cold, quiet and raspy. "But you and I could."
My head was spinning. I wasn't sure what my next move would be. Here was this gorgeous woman, her nipples peeking out from behind her blouse in the cold night air, asking me to impregnate her. I'd fantasized about her before, I'd even pictured her naked, but I never thought I'd act on any of it. I was loyal to Sophia. She was a good woman. An honest woman. A woman who deserved better than to have me knock up somebody else.
I stepped back from Emma, almost as if I were scared of her.