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She's forced to put on a show at the bar.

The shower was in a huge wetroom big enough to party in - with a whole group of friends should one so wish; it made me horny as all hell as I washed myself, thinking of all that might have happened in that very room.

We each filled the plastic containers provided with a urine, hair and spit sample before signing a consent form allowing them to check us over for STDs. The form included a statement from each of us that we would wait the four hours required for the results to come through before indulging in unprotected sex with anybody. It was the way that the pretty young thing who worked behind the desk in the foyer took them without batting an eyelid that finally pushed home the fact that we'd arrived.

The Rembrandt museum was quite crowded for a Tuesday but still magical, especially the last self portrait of him wearing the flamboyant artists hat with that twinkle in his eye. The sex museum was by contrast as unemotional and modern as a hospital design, more an examination of the history of sex industries than anything to do with love. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't say that it wasn't panty dampening and that I wouldn't have minded if my husband had bent me over in front of some of the exhibits and taken me roughly from behind, even in public... it just seemed to me that there should have been at least a section of it dedicated to love. Marty said that he quite liked its lack of sordidness; everything matter of fact -- nearly clinical, and nothing was sensationalised.

We stopped at a hash cafe and had a fruit hookah with a sprinkling of brick red Lebanese hashish over the hot coals. The cold smoke was a bouquet of natural flavours on our taste buds before the high and onrush of slight muzziness that I always get when I smoke hash. We were both giggling at foolish things and thoughts as we made our way back through the narrow cobbled streets to our hotel.

At the desk, the same pretty young lady asked us if we wouldn't mind finishing the hotel's health safety checks and directed us to the nurses' office down a short corridor off the lobby. The nurse, wearing disposable gloves examined our mouths, genitals and anuses before we were each handed a gold rectangular medallion and asked us to wear it at all times during our stay. It showed that we had passed the health checks and could indulge in our whims without worry. Apparently it was the norm in Holland for men to have a vasectomy with removable clips by their late twenties, and she seemed delighted that Marty had had the snip after the birth of our daughter.

She gave us a bagful of condoms, in case we wanted to use them at any time and told us that there was always a health professional on duty in the establishment.

The bar was filling up as we gathered with the rest of the guests for a quick drink or two before dinner. I was surprised when Marty pointed out the hash and grass menu that was lying on the bar. We found a table in one of the booths which ran down one side of the bar and were delighted when it was only a few moments later that our drinks arrived. As the waitress turned away we realised that she was only wearing an apron and high heels... nothing else. There was a grin that Marty seemed to have been developing since we'd first booked the holiday, now it was looking to take over the whole establishment. Within seconds of her leaving we were approached.

"Welcome, newbies!" There was a gentle Dutch accent to the voice; it came from the female half of a couple standing at the end of the table, holding their drinks. "Do you mind if we join you?" His accent was a little harsher, more Germanic.

Marty indicated the seats opposite. "Help yourself; we're just waiting for the restaurant to open."

"As are we," the woman said. "Tracy and Hans -- are you first timers?"

Marty laughed, "Is it that obvious? This is my wife, Sandra and I'm Martin - San and Marty to our friends."

We shook hands and they sat; they were on holiday from a town somewhere in Finland on the Baltic where he ran some kind of hydrothermal energy project and she taught high school ki

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